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August 21, 2005
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100 Things Not to Do Should You Ever Find Yourself in the Harry Potter Series

1. Never use a permenant black (or red) sharpie marker draw a Dark Mark on your or someone else's arm as a joke. (This means you CEH...)
2. Don't give Remus a flea collar or any other type of anti-flea merchandise as a gift.
3. Don't hug Fenrir on full moon. (Sorry. Had to put this as part of an inside joke...)
4. Never EVER discuss Voldemort's family history with him.
5. Don't refer to Severus as "Snapie-poo", especially not to his face.
6. Don't REALLY give Dumbledore acid pops! He doesn't enjoy them! That was just the password! O.O
7. Don't ask McGonagall how often she gets hairballs.
8. Don't try to have a staring contest with a basilisk.
9. Don't try to wear a lethifold. (a cloak-like monster that eats people. My online friend told me about this one...)
10. Don't call him Muffin or he'll nail you to the door.
11. Don't bring a My First Chemistry Set to potions class.
12. Don't dance around singing the Potter Puppet Pals naked time song at Dumbledore's funeral.
13. Don't drink the water...because that is NOT water...o.o
14. Don't request the following of Lord Voldemort: "Master, pants me! Pants us all!" (Another I had to add as part of an inside joke...)
15. Don't dry your face with Dobby's towel. (or any other house elf's towel for that matter...x.x)
16. Don't go swimming in the know the one I mean...o.o
17. Don't follow the spiders.
18. Don't let Padfoot eat Hermione's homework.
19. Don't give Harry a black dog plushie to comfort him after Sirius's death.
20. Don't slip pamphlets for weight loss programs in with your homework for Umbridge's class.
21. Don't try to use one of the Weasly twins' fake wands in a duel.
22. Don't tp the Riddle House.
23. Never tickle a sleeping dragon.
24. Stay. In. The. Boat. No. Matter. What.
25. Don't volunteer to help Hagrid with any chores, lest you find youself taking Aragog for a walk...o.o
26. Don't bring a can of bug spray to Aragog's burial.
27. If you meet a centaur in the woods, do NOT call him a "^.^ PWETTY HORSIE!"  and ask for a ride.
28. Don't try to put a pet sweater on a blast-ended skrewt.
29. If you happen to be reviving Voldemort, NEVER EVER EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES throw pantyhose into the cauldron at the last second. (Sorry. I had to add just this one more inside joke/RP reference.)
30. Don't start singing "Can You feel the Love Tonight" whenever Remus and Sirius are in the same room. (x.x seriously. Remus/Sirius is getting old, people...)
31. Don't send McGonagall cat treats as a Christmas gift.
32. Don't run up to Snape and poke him repeatedly while saying "BOTHER! BOTHER! BOTHER! BOTHER! BOTHER!"
33. Don't try to take Fluffy out for a walk.
34. Don't write erotic entries in that blank journal you found...o.o;;
35. Upon hearing Slughorn's name, don't run up to him and dump loads of salt over his head. (XD I can see myself doing that,'d be fun until I ended up in the office.)
36. When Voldemort is trapped in that certain creepy form at the beginning of GoF, don't pick him up and cuddle him like a baby.
37. The above goes double for bottle-feeding and singing lullabyes.
38. In addition to #36 and #37, don't EVER dress him up in cute baby clothes, especially one of those litttle sailor boy-looking outfits.
39. The same goes for diapers.
40. Don't run up to Quirrell and pull off his turban in public.
41. Don't start humming the Pirates of Dark Water theme when Harry and Dumbledore are at the cave. (Sorry! I had to put this! I was obsessed with that cartoon when I was a kid!)
42. Don't yell "KAMEHAMEHA!!!!" when casting a spell.
43. Don't accidentally call Hermione Trelawney. That is, if you value your life...
44. Don't think that you can drive dementors away with a flashlight.
45. When someone fires the Dark Mark into the sky, DO NOT yell "Thunder...Thunder...THUNDER CATS! HOOOOOOO!" (sorry. Once again...childhood obsession...o.o;; )
46. Don't refer to dementors as nazgul. EVER.
47. Don't refer to the ring Voldemort used as a horcrux as "The One Ring...TO RULE THEM ALL!"
48. Don't stand by the Mirror of Erised and ask in your best fake Galadriel voice "Will you look into the mirror...?"
49. Note to Legend of Zelda fans: Don't refer to Inferi as Redead. They're not quite the same...I mean, I don't think Inferi make that stupid screaming noise and paralyse you...
50. Don't give Draco ferret food. (XD Actually, I would. I'd love to see his reaction...)
51. Don't steal the Knight Bus and take it out for a joy ride.
52. Don't streak through the Ministry of Magic HQ.
53. Don't poke a werewolf during full moon.
54. I don't care how many times you were dared, DON'T EVER KISS A DEMENTOR.
55. Don't run around wearing tye-dye robes and hugging everyone and everything in sight while shouting "LOOK AT ME! I'M VOLDEMORT AFTER TOO MANY CHEERING CHARMS!"
56. Don't run around with a certain umbrella while pretending to be Mary Poppins. You don't realise the damage you could do...o.o;;
57. Don't get Hagrid drunk. That would just be too scary.
58. The above also goes for Voldemort.
59. Should you happen to get Voldemort drunk, DO NOT call him Vodkamort.
60. Also, don't  take pictures of him like that and send them in to the Daily Prophet.
61. Don't burst out singing the Pinky and the Brain theme song whenever both Voldemort and Wormtail are in the same scene.
62. Don't try to sell Voldemort's picture for use in a Rogaine ad.
63. Don't scream the words "MORTAL KOOOOMBAAAAAT!!" when Voldemort and Harry are about to duel.
64. Don't tape a picture of Rouge the Bat's (<---from Sonic Adventure 2) face over Snape's face while he's asleep.
65. Whatever you do, don't hide Dumbledore's package of lemon drops.
66. Don't stand up in the middle of Divination class and start loudly and over-dramatically predicting TRELAWNEY'S death.
67. During any crisis, don't start loudly singing the "Holding out for a Hero" song. (I need a hero! I'm holding out for a hero til the --*Gets slapped*)
68. Don't start singing the Hallelujah chorus when Voldemort rises from the cauldron.
69. Don't refer to Draco, Lucius, or Crouch Jr. as "blondie".
70. Don't steal the house elves from the school kitchen for your own personal use...whatever that may be...o.o;;
71. Don't nail Nagini to Voldemort's front door. (Life expectancy after doing so: 5 minutes max)
72. Don't even THINK about doing the above.
73. Knowing about Voldemort's history, don't go ask Slughorn about horcruxes just to screw with his head.
74. Don't feed "mini/baby" Voldemort a mixture of pink lemonade and mayo. (If he survived it, he'd kill you so fast because pink lemonade and mayo is the most nauseating thing in the world. I should know...o.o;;; )
75. Don't break into the Hall of Prophecy, and then use "I was looking for the Dragonballs!" as an excuse.
76. Don't hold up Slytherin's locket and shout "MOON PRISM POWER!".
77. Don't let a bunch of nifflers loose in a muggle jewelry store.
78. Don't use Trelawney's crystal ball as a substitute bludger.
79. Don't get caught trying on Voldemort's (or any of his Death Eaters') robes.
80. Don't call Flitwick a halfling.
81. Don't steal Godric Gryffindor's sword out of Dumbledore's office, and run around yelling "I GOT THE MASTER SWORD!"
82. Don't try to do a Legend of Zelda-style spin attack in the middle of a crowded hallway with said sword.
83. Don't try to arm-wrestle Grawp.
84. Don't make fun of the Gaunt family's eyes.
85. Don't go on their property, either.
86. Don't put on an eye patch and fake peg leg and start ranting about constant vilgilance in a fake pirate voice every time Moody comes in a room. (XD Making fun or him would be suicide...and yes, I'm aware that he doesn't really wear an eye patch...*Puts up flame shield*)
87. Don't try to use Moody's leg for firewood. (I swear this is the last inside joke/RP reference!)
88. Don't start an argument with Sirius's mom's picture. It'll never end...
89. Don't go up to Dumbledore and say "HEY! You're that guy from LotR!" (and yes, LotR fans. I know his name is Gandalf. Don't flame me...x.x)
90. Don't ever address Remus as "Professor Furry".
91. When you hand in samples of your potion at the end of Snape's class, don't hand in a free shampoo sample instead.
92. Don't ever expose Hagrid to a dementor. Knowing him, he'd think it's cute...o.o;;
93. Don't put in gold contacts and ambush people in the bathroom.
94. Don't try to get Buckbeak to eat out of a bird feeder.
95. Don't put U-No-Poo in Voldemort's food, and then leave the empty package out for him to find.
96. Don't EVER insult Dumbeldore in front of Hagrid. It may be the last thing you do...
97. Don't put dragon crap in Fudge's bowler hat and then return it to him in person AKA slamming it down on his head. (Ok, THIS is the last RP reference.)
98. Don't try to ride a broom indoors.
99. Don't place bets on how long it will take the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher to leave the school.
100. Don't blow up half the school and then blame the mess on Pig.
XD I love making these lists!

This one is a bit different from the first two, though.

It's bascially a list of things that you shouldn't do if you suddenly ended up in the series.

[insert apology for several confusing inside joke references that I couldn't resist adding]

...and yes, I plan to make more HP-related lists. I already have ideas for at least two more.

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kitsunetremblay Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013  Hobbyist
ok that was to funny i almost cried
katnisseverdeen4life Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
LOLLOLLOL!!!! this is hilarious!!!! XD<10000000000000000000
100. don't blow up half the school and then blame the mess on pig.
i was laughing the whole time i read this and now i have tears of laughter in my eyes.
whitexlightning Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
Hahaha, this is hilarious! Great job! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
StrykeWolf Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2010
i was giggling the whole way through this :D
kittfox15 Featured By Owner Oct 7, 2010  Hobbyist Photographer
76. Don't hold up Slytherin's locket and shout "MOON PRISM POWER!".
that was my favorite one reading this made my day.:heart:
Cap-a-Pie Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
LoL I love this!:D
link1112 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist

but i do want to steal the griffindor sword and roll through the castle with link :( !!! well i guess i`ll get a copy!
PreciousEdo Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2010
XDDD Excellent. except now I can't get the image of Wormtail going "NARF!" out of my head haha
joshroks Featured By Owner Mar 24, 2010
ultimate mega epic lulz

101.never call Voldemort "Lord Voldefag"

102.dont slowly explain to Filch how to use your wand.

103.#102 goes for any magic
thestralpotter Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
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